My husband and I bought a house. But there’s a downside to buying the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood with the perfect backyard: we had to move all of our s***.
The added stress of packing up our lives led to a few, let’s call them… disagreements.
But I know for a fact we’re not alone. Moving blows and no couple is spared the sweaty fights while tracking down boxes, packing boxes, unpacking boxes, collapsing boxes and figuring out where to recycle boxes. To mentally prepare you for your upcoming move or to make you feel better about your past move, here are the eight fights every couple has while moving.
(1) Should we hire movers?
“Why should we spend money on movers? Our friends can help!”
Um, have you ever been forced to help someone move? There’s nothing worse in the entire world.
Also, your frat bro Chad doesn’t offer insurance so when he knocks my grandma’s irreplaceable antique against our freshly painted wall we will just have to fake smile and respond with “Oh my gosh! Don’t worry about it!”
(2) Be careful with that!
Can someone please tell my husband that you can’t just haphazardly throw champagne glasses into a Harris Teeter bag even though we don’t like champagne and don’t know why we own champagne glasses.
(3) Who has to clean out the old fridge?
Undeniably the worst moving task.
I suggest you split it because whoever has to scrub 3-year-old marinara sauce off the bottom shelf is going to resent the other.
(4) The number of old textbooks your spouse owns and refuses to throw out even though they’re heavy and you have to carry them down from the attic and almost break your back.
Oh, this one only applies to us? Sorry about that.
(5) Should we look for [insert item name] or buy a new one?
Because as soon as you buy a replacement you will find [insert item name] and then have to figure out where to store [insert item name] because no one needs two insert item name.
(6) Where to get takeout when you can’t find which box your cookware is in.
Yafo. The answer is always Yafo.
(7) Where to hang artwork that has sentimental value to one but not both members of the household.
Oh, you insist on displaying your great uncle’s amateur painting of a pear?
Let’s hang it out in the shed, it will really brighten up that space.
(8) And finally, the fight about nothing.
Our biggest moving fight occurred inside Home Depot while trying to decide on gold or silver doorknobs. We went with silver.
I honestly can’t remember which finish I liked more but I know I almost cried about it and that’s the perfect way to sum up my mental state at the end of our move.
By the way, my husband and I are fine. All of these fights lasted about 24 seconds and then we would start a new project and forget what we were mad about. The good news is we’re never moving again. I will die in this house. With all these old textbooks.